


Hashtag Heroes

by toli-a (togina)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers Family, Humor, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-17
Updated: 2016-07-17
Packaged: 2018-08-08 01:00:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7736920
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/togina/pseuds/toli-a
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bucky holds out hope that Maria Hill can break the internet, so that Steve and Tony stop involving everyone in their hashtag war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hashtag Heroes

**Author's Note:**

> greenbergsays suggested (pre-CACW release): What about a media fic that plays on the #TeamCap /#TeamIronMan promos going on right now for CW? Except when it comes to Steve making a public statement about it, he declares himself #TeamBuckyBarnes. The reason behind the feud between Steve & Tony is up to you.

“This is  _ your _ fault,” Bucky hisses, and Sam doesn’t even have the decency to look a little sorry. Well, he looks  _ a little  _ sorry, but Bucky thinks that’s mostly because Tony has photoshopped Sam into a revealing Ironman suit and posted it on social media. “You’re the one that taught Steve how to use the internet!”

“That was a public service,” Sam mumbles back, both of them crouched behind a sofa, because Tony and Steve had started trying to claim the rest of the Avengers by snapping pictures of them with their phones. Sam might have taught Steve how to use the internet, but he hadn’t taught him to turn off the automatic flash.

“I think it was a public disservice,” Natasha informs him, holding up her phone, email filled with notifications that #TeamIronman and #TeamCap are trending on a host of sites Bucky is more than happy not to know. “They’re going to burst that vein in Maria’s forehead.”

Sam makes a face, and on the other side of the room Tony squawks at Rhodey over the phone, furious that the U.S. government won’t post Tony’s selfie with a bald eagle and a flag. “I don’t know what you’re doing,” Rhodey declares, with the familiarity of someone who’s said that to Tony Stark for over twenty years, “but you can’t just put the government on your dodgeball team, Tony.”

“What  _ are  _ they doing?” Clint asks, ducking back behind the sofa after trying to fire a foam dart at Steve’s phone. “Does anyone remember?”

“I think it started because Steve had more Instagram followers,” Sam ventures, but he doesn’t look very sure. “Or Tony had more Twitter followers? Or Tony’s annoying on Twitter, and Steve keeps retweeting him with sarcastic emojis?”

It could have been any of those things, Bucky admits, scrubbing a hand over the back of his neck, since all of them were true. Steve is going to fill up the entire internet cloud, with all the weird pictures he keeps taking, crooked flowers and New York sidewalk cracks and several of Bucky’s blurry hand when he tries to take pictures of Bucky’s face and gets his middle finger instead. Steve puts them in sepia tones and posts them anyway, because Steve is a jackass — but one with a few million followers, and he does tend to make fun of Tony’s weird Twitter proclamations. Though, to Steve’s credit, “I am omnipotent in the lab!” was sort of begging to be misread.

“And what are the hashtags supposed to do?” Bruce asks, sitting on the couch like a normal person, because even Tony and Steve aren’t stupid enough to harass the Hulk. “Prove which of them can get more bad press?”

“Nick’s going to kill them,” Natasha opines, and looks a little relieved at the thought.

“Fix this,” Bucky growls at Sam.

Sam raises his eyebrows. “Man, what do you want me to do? I can’t cure stupid.”

“All right,” Bucky announces, keeping his metal arm in front of his face as he stalks out from behind the sofa and grabs Steve by the arm, hauling two hundred pounds of idiocy toward the elevator. “That’s it. We’re going home.”

The next morning Bucky wakes up to a text from Natasha. “You’re Instafabulous,” it says, and there’s an attached screenshot of Bucky’s face, lax with sleep, drool at the corner of his mouth and the angle half up his nose. “New Team Captain!” the caption declares, with #TeamBucky and #CantTopThis underneath in blue.

“Steve,” Bucky shouts, kicking off the sheets and prowling into their living room, where Steve is sitting in front of their desktop with an enormous grin. “Steven Grant Rogers, what the hell is this?” he snaps, waving his phone too close to Steve’s face for him to possibly make out the picture, but Steve already knows what it is.

“The internet loves you, Buck,” Steve says sweetly, patting Bucky’s cheek and looking unrepentant even when Bucky tries to bite his hand. “There’s no way Tony will win now!”

“Win _what_?” Bucky groans, and debates breaking his phone on Steve’s thick head, but decides he’d rather go back to sleep and never visit the internet again.

Steve catches his wrist as Bucky turns away, biting at his lower lip, eyes wide even though Bucky knows he isn’t sorry at all. “I love you even more than the internet does,” Steve promises, probably because Bucky stomped into the living room without putting on clothes, and Steve can be sweet when he wants to get laid.

“If you take pictures of this, I’m joining Tony’s team,” Bucky warns, but he lets Steve take him back to bed. (If he texts a few people on the way, if by that afternoon all Tony and Steve’s accounts are sadly corrupted and demolished and  _ gone  _ — well, he’s done the world a public service, and Steve never has to know.)


End file.
